Before I start with this article I want to be clear that a certain level of jealousy is normal in any relationship. If, for example, you saw your boyfriend flirting with another girl and you felt no emotional reaction (including jealousy) then there are probably some deeper issues in your relationship that you need to worry about. Now with that being said one of the biggest excuses a control freak of a boyfriend will use is that he’s jealous of the attention you get from other guys – that’s just part of the big lie he’s been spinning you for a long, long time.
What Are The Signs Of A Controlling Boyfriend?
If you asked most women if they were in a relationship with a controlling boyfriend they’d automatically answer “No”, even the ones who most definitely are being controlled. The problem is that most women mistake a controlling boyfriend for a caring boyfriend.
So let’s take a look at some of the warning signs that you might be dating a control freak:
- You can only have female friends
- You can only wear what he likes you to wear
- He checks your phone or Facebook account when you’re not around
- You’re not allowed to stay out past a certain time
- He picks you up from the bar or restaurant when you do go out
- You’re questioned about what you ate, who you spoke to and about what
- He always needs to know where you are, who you were with and what you were doing
If you can answer “Yes” to more than two of the above points you might be dating a controlling boyfriend – in fact I’d be pretty sure that you are. At first this kind of behavior can seem almost charming – it’s like he’s paying a lot of attention to you. The problem is that it’s not healthy to have that kind of attention from a boyfriend – he’s behaving like a controlling parent and not your partner.
The personality traits of a controlling boyfriend are interesting for a couple of reasons. Firstly the main reason a guy tries to control who his girl talks to, eats with, works with or hangs out with is because he’s been cheating on her and he needs to stop her from finding out. Secondly this type of controlling behavior is usually because a guy is deeply insecure in himself (even if he doesn’t act like it) and probably has some form of abandonment issues. He’s basically trying to keep you as close to him as he can, but the more he tries to keep you under control the more you’ll try to “escape”. Controlling boyfriends are their own worst enemy in every sense of the word.
Emotional and Psychological Abuse
Another deeply unhealthy part of being in a relationship with a controlling boyfriend is the verbal, emotional or psychological abuse. Obviously if you’re in a physically abusive relationship you need to not be around that guy anymore. But with emotional and psychological abuse some women will put up with it for years because it’s sold to them under the excuse of “I’m only doing it because I love you”. Comments about your weight, your looks or your age are all signs of an abusive boyfriend and part of a pattern of emotional and psychological abuse that’s simply not acceptable, and will go on for as long as you put up with it. In effect what this type of guy is trying to do to you is lower your self-esteem to the point where you feel worthless to the world – it’s at this point he’s broken you mentally and basically owns you.
The first thing to try here is explaining to your boyfriend that he doesn’t own you (wedding/engagement ring or not) and that any healthy relationship is a 50/50 split. If that balance is 70/30 in his “favor” then it’s not a relationship anymore because there’s no balance. Counseling can be really useful if you’re dating a guy who’s open to the idea of it, but it will take time to see results. Unfortunately with severe control freaks you’ll usually have no choice but to walk away from the relationship for your own safety and sanity.
Have you dated a controlling guy in the past?
Do you have any helpful tips or advice you’d like to share with the other women reading this blog?