Nobody ever gets married expecting their marriage to come to an abrupt and premature end, otherwise they wouldn’t bother getting married in the first place. The vast majority of people get married expecting that it will truly be a case of “until sickness or death do us part”, with a commitment to making the marriage work for years and decades to come. If you approach a marriage in any other way than it being a long-term commitment to another person in your life, that you love, then you’re probably fooling yourself.
Unfortunately what most people don’t realize is that getting married:
- Won’t fix any existing issues in your relationship – it’s not some kind of emotional duct tape
- Means that you’re going to have highs and lows in your marriage – it’s not a fairytale you’re signing up for
If you’ve been dating and living with the same person for a long time then getting married is the next obvious step in that relationship, after you’ve been engaged for a short while of course. For most people marriage doesn’t actually change the tone of the relationship you have with your partner, but it can change the expectations of one or more people in the marriage itself.
In fact some people will claim that getting married was the worst decision they ever made because it caused the relationship to end, but in reality that relationship was probably already failing…but nobody wanted to admit it. Some people even go as far as lying about their future ambitions and desires to land a husband or wife, then telling them the truth about wanting/not wanting kids almost immediately after the rings are on their respective fingers – a total recipe for disaster!
Unfortunately the only real training most couples get for being married is a very brief pre-marriage course, which rarely deals with the issues that can come up once you become man and wife. It never deals with aspects of marriage like the need to maintain your own identity, maintaining friendships outside the marriage and that spending time apart each day during your marriage is actually a really, really health thing to do. In fact research has shown that people who do maintain their own identity, friendships, hobbies and goals independent of the marriage itself tend to be a lot happier in their marriage, and their marriage also lasts in excess of 15-years in the vast majority of cases.
Basically if you’re about to get married or you’re already married then it’s worth taking some time to educate yourself about not only what to expect in the future, but also how to deal with these issues and stay married at the same time. The more you learn about marriage the better your chances are of staying married in the first place – a little knowledge can go a long, long way folks.
The good news is that there are literally hundreds of books on how to save your marriage, on marriage counseling and even more which provide tips for making the most of an otherwise happy and healthy marriage. In this section of the website I’m going to spend time reviewing the very best marriage books I can find, covering topics like Christian marriage, marriage counseling, how to communicate properly while married, books for newly married couples, books on how to repair your marriage and just books on how to enjoy the fact that you’re now married to somebody you love deeply.
If you have any tips or suggestions for marriage self-help books I should include then please let me know and I’ll be happy to review them here.
Some of the upcoming reviews I’ll be featuring here are: