Will My Ex Give Me Another Chance?

Question:

This girl and I were seeing each other for a few months, but we didn’t actually get to see each other more than once every 2 weeks. She told me that she wasn’t really sure if she could trust me, that she wasn’t really ready for a relationship, and that people at her workplace had been telling her things about me. She wasn’t sure where they got their information, but she said her work colleagues were making assumptions about me too.

What’s confusing me is that I visited the shop she works in the other day after not seeing her for about a month, but she didn’t stop me from coming in. Actually she didn’t even yell at me for not being in contact with her for a whole month. She started to get teary-eyed while I was there, so I put one hand on her shoulder and my other hand on hers, and she didn’t ask me to stop. I asked her to forgive me and explained that I was really sorry for what happened.

I tried to make contact with her again about a week later, going to the same shop just before she closed it for the day. When I got there she kicked everyone else out except me and then locked the door. We stayed there and talked for about an hour, and I helped her to clean up the shop after her day. She got ready to open the door of the shop again, but said it was sticking, so I reached around her to pull the door open for her and it opened straight away. She never told me I was too close to her, so I got the impression that she didn’t mind me being near her or touching her.

We continued talking as we walked back to her car, but then she told me I have to stop just dropping by the shop like that, because she feels like I’m forcing her hand, and that she might want to do something else with her time.

I agreed to stop appearing at her shop without telling her but asked her to give things with us another try. She said that she would think about it, got teary eyed, and then got in her car and left.

Charles

Answer:

Hi Charles,

I’m going to have to make a lot of assumptions here I’m afraid because I’m not sure how long you were dating this girl, or why you were apologizing to her. If you’ve been dating somebody for a few months but only seeing them every 2 weeks because it suited you to do it that way then it’s bound to cause this girl not to trust you.

The people she’s working with aren’t making things any easier by getting involved in this, but you can’t make them stop unfortunately – that’s why gossip can be absolutely lethal to any new or existing relationship. What they’re probably trying to do is protect her from being hurt again, but it’s going to be her own personal choice whether or not she gets into a relationship with you again.

Basically if you’ve treated this girl badly in the past then it’s not fair to simply show up outside her shop whenever you feel like it – she might be trying to get over the fact that you’re no longer together, and if you keep appearing she’s going to feel pressured, which is never a good position to put any woman in.

If you’ve been intimate with this girl in the past then she’s used to you touching her, so don’t read too much into the fact that she allowed you to place your hand on her shoulder when she was upset. She probably missed being cuddled by somebody who loves her, but she’s probably not willing to take that risk with you right now.

At this stage you’ve apologized and asked for another chance at a relationship with her. Now you have to give her the time and space she asked for – which is something you shouldn’t have a problem with if you truly love and respect this girl.

Remember that it’s easy to say ‘Sorry‘ to a person, but until you actually prove that you mean it then it’s just an empty apology.

Give her some time to decide what she wants for herself, and respect her decision whatever that might be.

I hope it works out for the best for both of you!

Marlon

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Charles - May 4, 2014 Reply

Well after the two times I made contact with her I sent her a couple of quick texts the first time she respond in a couple of minutes and the second took a little longer , but she might have been dealing with customers at her shop , but she text back a little more this time ! So I was wondering if you think I might have a chance getting back some kinda of relationship with her , because the first text I sent was about two weeks after the last time I went to her shop and the second about a week later ! I’m thinking its a positive sign that she texting back and its not been anything negative ! Should I keep doing what I’m doing when do you think I should try and phone her?

Misunderstood by all... - July 3, 2014 Reply

I want things to be better between me and my partner, well almost partner, she does not realize that I love her, she thinks that I don’t care. I think that we both fell in Love 8 Years ago. Neither one of us told each other how we felt about each other. Now she has come back from Europe, after learning how to be a model. She expects me to know her, but I am face blind, and don’t recognize her now, I can no longer store faces in memory, if I see you for 30 seconds I will not know what you look like. I never see her for longer than 30 seconds, so I never get to know what she looks like now.

8 Years later, and everyone gets mad at me for not talking to her, I still love her, I wish she would talk to me as I only recognize her from her voice. I know she is a model and everyone knows her, but I can only know it is her by her voice, there is nothing I can do…That is the short version, I still care about her as a person, I want her to be happy. Wishing that she would know that I have never wanted to leave her standing there alone, wondering why I will never talk to her…This is my start at trying to tell her that I still care, If she has moved on then I will respect that. I still love her and feel it every time I run into her, but I can never tell her how I feel. I Have never wanted to hurt her, and I wish she knew that, but no one will tell me anything about her, and I can never talk to her in person. So She is mad at me. I never wanted to hurt her, I am hurt that I never get to talk to her. I wish for us both to be happy.

Where do I go from here when it is all over? Don’t want her to think I don’t care…It is more complicated than that, but I wish her to know that I was always here for her, I have not stopped loving her. Don’t want everyone to be mad at me for not loving her, I still want to know her, not saying that we are compatible, but how will I ever know if it is all over before I ever get to meet her? I am not ready to date anyone right now, but I would make an exception for her. I have done everything I can do when no one will talk to me, I don’t want to give up If she really Loves me and wants to be with me… Where do I go from here? Wishing to belong to someone who cares…

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