Will My Bi Boyfriend Stick Around?

Question:

For the last two years I have spent almost every single day with my boyfriend. About a month ago I decided to break up with him because I caught him chatting to some girls in real life. What made matters worse is that I found out he was using dating sites and saying on his profile that he wants a “girl for a serious relationship”.

When I broke up with him he started acting like he wanted me back really badly, and said that he’ll prove to me that he’ll choose me over anyone else because he’s in love with me, and that he could never touch, or love, any other girls except me. After this I still showed him affection and love, but was never cold towards him.

About one week ago he just suddenly told me that in his heart he knows me loves me so much, and he wants me so much more than he even wants to breathe. The problem is that although he says he loves me with his heart his mind keeps questioning our relationship and our future together. One small detail you should be aware of here is that I’m gay, but he’s a straight man.

Alexis

Answer:

Hi Alexis,

The first thing to cover off here is that your boyfriend most definitely isn’t “straight” by any definition of that word. He is, however, bisexual and obviously still finds women very attractive – otherwise you wouldn’t have found him “cheating” on you using online dating websites.

I think the problem is coming from the fact that he’s very conflicted about his sexuality. On one side he still finds women attractive meaning that he can still count himself as being “straight”, but then knowing that he’s in love with you throws a spanner in the works because he then has to view himself as being gay.

I don’t doubt for one second that this man does love you as much as he says he does, but the problem he’s having, based on what you told me, is that he’s not ready to commit to an exclusively gay relationship because it means having to “come out” to his friends and family, who up to this point probably don’t know much about his alternative sexual lifestyle.

Patience and understanding are all you can really offer your boyfriend at this point in time, plus any support you can without putting your own emotional or psychological needs in second place. There’s a very strong chance he simply won’t be able to commit to a public relationship with you, so you might want to prepare yourself for that just in case.

I hope it all works out!

Marlon

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