Why Is My Flirty Ex Giving Me The Cold Shoulder Now?

Question:

I followed the “No Contact” rule for 30-days and then followed that up with talking to my ex for a few minutes every few days, but always cutting the conversation short saying I needed to go. Then last Wednesday he helped me with some math tutoring I was doing for a kid I work with – my maths are really bad so I needed all the help I could get! He helped me with the tutoring work for about and hour, but started flirting asking me for nude pics in between helping me with the math stuff.

He also asked me about a new male friend he saw me check-in with in a few different places via Facebook, and asked me three times if I was dating this new guy. I told him that this guy is just a male friend of mine who hangs out with me and the new group of girls that I met recently. He continued flirting with me until I thanked him for his help with the maths tutoring, cut the conversation short and told him I had to go. The flirting didn’t stop though until I told him a second time that I had to go.

Two days later I tried to chat with him online, but he was really cold towards me and then ignored me. He’s also ignored me the last 3 times I tried talking to him!

What’s going on with him? Why would he be friendly, flirty and “back to normal” with me, even asking me if I’m dating some new guy, and then just suddenly start ignoring me?

What do I do now?

Jennifer

Answer:

Hi Jennifer,

The first problem I have here is that I don’t know who broke up with who – was it your boyfriend’s idea or yours? If it was yours then you’re maintaining contact as and when it suits you, which is something he’s going to get sick of very quickly. If, on the other hand, your boyfriend did the breaking up then he’s behaving like a spoiled brat. Allow me to explain.

From a male point of view there is absolutely nothing more annoying than an ex girlfriend showing up, asking for help and then cutting the conversation short and leaving/hanging up. Obviously sending him nude pics would be a bad idea, but that doesn’t mean that you can be rude to him because of some elaborate version of the NC rule you’ve heard about online or from a friend. Have you ever noticed that the friends who recommend NC are always the single ones? That’s something to think about.

Now if he broke up with you and he’s asking for nude pics and who this new guy is then that’s absolutely none of his business on either count. In fact if he was the one who broke up with you, and all he’s interested in are nude pics of you, then you’re better off avoiding him because he doesn’t value you as a person – he only values what he can get from you.

Apologies if the above sounds a bit harsh on either count, but I’m trying to address two breakup scenarios in one question.

So to answer your question about why he’s being flirty and friendly with you one minute and then cold as ice the next – there are two answers:

He Broke Up With You
He’s an immature guy who doesn’t like losing control of situations in his life and you’re better off forgetting about him and moving on.

You Broke Up With Him
He’s sick of you contacting him only when you need help and always only on your terms – you can expect him to get colder the more often you treat him like that.

You need to decide whether or not you want to get back together with him and then take it from there. Either way don’t send him nude pics – they have a habit of appearing online all the time!

Marlon

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