The Woman Who Broke My Heart Is Single Again…What Should I Do?

Question:

I am 51 years old, and was with my ex girlfriend for seven years, and she is also seven years my junior. I have never loved a woman so deeply, or with such intensity in all of my life.

We broke up a year and a half ago, after she met a younger man, also some years HER junior. My thoughts each day revolve around her, and I dream of her often. I am not obsessive, or strange, I just love her so much, that all other women pale in comparison.

I dreamt of her the last two consecutive nights, the first of which we were together, she was cold, (temperature) so we laid together, me behind her and she fell asleep – tears quietly fell down my face as I was so overjoyed to feel that close to her again. The next night, she came to me, as a ghost… she said she had died – an accidental overdose of drugs. I pleaded with her to stay as I cried uncontrollably but she said she couldn’t.

The one thing I miss the most… Is the feeling of her head on my shoulder at night. She used to fall asleep that way. I miss her so much.

Now I’ve heard that she and her boyfriend broke up last month after just 15 months. How do I continue?

Joseph

Answer:

Hi Joseph,

You’re obviously completely heartbroken over this woman, especially the fact that you’re dreaming about her on a regular basis. When you put that much energy into a person and your relationship with them it can be extremely difficult to adjust to a life without them.

Let’s take a look at your dreams first. I think you know that you can’t take dreams literally and that in 90% of cases this is your mind trying to process all the hurt you’ve been going through. The symbolism of death and coldness in your dreams might be that you know that the relationship is over and that she’s effectively “dead” to you now, it’s just a matter of mourning and then moving on. Or perhaps your subconscious is simply trying to tell you to let her go, and that better things await you. Please understand this is only my interpretation of those dreams – it’s not written in stone. That being said your subconscious does seem to be sending you a very strong message here.

You miss human contact with a woman you love(d) – that is both admirable and totally understandable. You’re really wearing your heart on your sleeve here in how much you’ve been hurt and that’s a testament to you as a person i.e. some people would say the miss sex the most but you miss the simple things the most. Kudos sir!

Now down to the fact that she’s single, you’re single and you’re wondering what to do next. I’m assuming that you want to rekindle your relationship with her as soon as possible?

The first thing here is that you need to be careful with your own feelings first, considering you’ve been hurt quite deeply by her. It takes months/years to build up trust but only a few moments to destroy it and being able to trust her again is the first step you need to work on.

Bear in mind that she might not want to have a relationship with you again, so prepare yourself for that response if you intend on speaking to her. If you’re looking for a way to open the door of conversation with her again then maybe just send her a quick text message saying something like “I’m sorry to hear that things didn’t work out for you – hope you’re ok?” and then leave it at that.

If she doesn’t reply don’t text her again – she might want space and time to process what’s just happened to her. I get the feeling here that it was her turn to get broken up with – younger guys don’t date older women for very long – usually just a matter of months.

What you need to be really, really careful about here is that you don’t become her Agony Uncle, where she only comes to you when she has a problem she needs your help with. You can’t be her boyfriend and her counselor at the same time – believe me I’ve tried doing that in the past myself!

You obviously have a big heart Joseph so don’t be in a rush to get it hurt again too soon, ok?

Marlon

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