The Father Of My Children Won’t Leave Me In Peace

Question:

Hi,

My current boyfriend and I had a one-night stand 9 years ago, and it resulted in us having a child together. We were talking on and off, and were seeing each other on a regular basis, which led to us being in a relationship together. He has three other kids besides ours, but there have been problems from the very start of our relationship.

The thing is though that we argue a lot and wind up saying hurtful things to each other. I even went as far as leaving him, but he always comes looking for me to come back home with him. But then he’ll do something horrible like tell me I’m no help to him and that I’m basically worthless. On top of all of this I lost my job a year ago, so I’m barely getting by each day.

Now I’m 7-months pregnant by him and he’s told me that he doesn’t want the baby, but that he loves me and wants us to get married. He told me that I had to get an abortion, but I’ve decided to keep the baby and move on with my life, without him.

He still won’t leave me alone though.

What am I to do?

Answer:

Hi Trika,

This is probably stating the obvious here but it would have been wise not to get pregnant by a guy who already has a track record of being a deadbeat dad, and who’s also pretty bad at keeping relationships going. That being said you’re now pregnant and have decided to keep the baby – his fifth child in total from three different women. That’s a hugely complicated situation to find yourself in, and is going to become even more complicated for the children when they get old enough to realize they have lots and lots of half-brothers and half-sisters.

This guy has no real interest in marrying you either – that’s just a mechanism to allow him to control you. I’m 99% certain that if you spoke to any of his ex-girlfriends you’d find he’s probably proposed to them when it looked like they might escape from him and enjoy anything like a normal life. He’s not interested in being in love with anyone. His only real focus is being able to control the women he’s dating at that point in time i.e. you.

The best thing for you and your kids is to get away from him and stay away. He’ll be a horrible influence on the kids as they’re growing up, and a very negative influence on you too. If you’re relying on him for financial support then that needs to stop too, except for what he’s legally obliged to pay you, of course.

Anything or anyone which isn’t a positive influence on your life, or your children’s lives, has to be avoided for you to have any real happiness. I understand that you probably still have at least some feelings left for this man (you wouldn’t keep going back to him otherwise), but you need to leave those feelings behind and build a better future for you and your children.

Marlon

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