Should I Send My Ex Flowers On Valentine’s Day?

Question:

I’m a 52-year old guy and my ex-girlfriend is 47. About a month ago she told me she wanted a break after being together for 2 years. Things we’re going too well between us, and I was getting a bit needy and did a lot of things “wrong”.

We still have limited contact, and of course that allowed me to do all the wrong things by apologizing to her and telling her that I still loved her, and so on.

About 2 weeks ago I stopped all the apologizing I was doing and left things alone. She then sent me a few texts which just asked me how I was. I’ve responded to each text but I kept my replies short.

Basically I was thinking of sending her flowers on Valentine’s Day, but I am not sure this will have a positive effect?

Thanks, Ted

Answer:

Hi Ted,

I don’t think sending your ex-girlfriend flowers on Valentine’s Day can do any harm – she’ll appreciate the thought regardless. By “positive effect” I’m assuming you hope that it’ll make your ex-girlfriend want to get back together with you, right? If that’s the case then it’s very hard to judge whether or not a bunch of flowers is going to cut it here because it all depends on the reasons why she wanted a break in the first place.

So if the break was for a really serious reason, and she walked out for example, and she hasn’t attempted to sort things out with you since then I’m not sure the flowers are going to change her heart overnight, but they will show her that you still care about her.

I did notice in your question that you’re accepting pretty much 100% of the blame for the “break” your girlfriend took from your relationship. Ted if you’ve read any of my other replies here you’ll see that it’s very, very, very rare for one person to be 100% at fault in any relationship – male of female. Based on that you might want to ask yourself why you feel the need to blame yourself for all of this, and whether or not you’re looking at your ex through rose tinted glasses just a tiny little bit i.e. only seeing her in the very best light.

Basically you can’t do any harm by sending her flowers on Valentine’s Day – it’s a nice thought and it shows that she’s still on your mind. The positive result that you’ll get out of this (at a guess) is that she’ll thank you for the flowers and want to know why you sent them, which is the perfect time to explain to her that you miss her and want to sort things out.

Just make sure that you don’t go apologizing for everything all over again – at least 50% of that stuff wasn’t your fault in the first place buddy!

Let me know how you get on with your ex!

Marlon

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