My Girlfriend Is In Love With Somebody Else – What Do I Do Now?

Question:

Hi there,

I need some advice on my last relationship which ended about two weeks ago. I’d been dating this girl for about 7 months, but we’d taken a break within the first month of our relationship, and one other break after that. We had dated for 4 months straight without any breaks though, and things seemed to be going okay. We’d fight now and again about another person who used to be very close to me, although I only ever wanted this other person as a friend. The problem was that my ex never liked that because I did have something with this girl, but apart from that we never had any problems. We were happy together all of the time.

One day I was feeling upset and depressed, so I talked to my dad about it and he told me to break up with my girlfriend and to think about me for a while instead. So thinking that he was probably right I did what he suggested and broke up with my girlfriend. For the first week or so we were still acting like a couple because as the days went by I felt more and more like I’m just not happy without her. But I held back just to be sure, and then before I knew it she had feelings for someone else, and told me she didn’t know if she wanted to be with me anymore because of that.

I begged and pleaded for her to be mine again, but I had no idea it would actually make things worse between us. I kept begging and pleading for a few days – I literally couldn’t help myself.

Today she told me she never wants to be with me again and that she doesn’t love me anymore. I’m devastated. I’m broken. I’ve given up all of my friends for her, and I need her with me.

I can’t function without her. I love her to death and can’t let her go.

I just want to know how I can fix this and get her back? I need this so I would appreciate it very, very much if you helped me.

Thank you!

Mikael

Answer:

Hi Mikael,

You have my word that I’ll do everything I can with my answer to help you, but it might not be what you want to hear.

I’m pretty sure you’ve heard of the “honeymoon period” in any relationship, right? This is the first few months when you’re dating somebody new and everything is just great. No fights. No breakups. No breaks. Unfortunately in your case the “honeymoon” only lasted about a month, which to be really honest isn’t a sign of a healthy or happy relationship. If you look at any of your friends who are dating girls are they constantly breaking up with them and getting back together with them? If so that’s because they’re just as young as you are, and are figuring out what works and doesn’t work in a relationship.

Your dad has your best interests at heart because he loves you, so when he gave you that advice he was actually trying to protect you from being even more hurt down the road. I think he spotted that your ex was somebody who could be in love with you this week, but then in love with some other guy a week later. It looks like your dad was right too, and you should be happy to know that your dad cares about you enough to listen to you and try to guide you along the right path in life – far too many parents don’t give a crap about their sons or daughters.

What you’re going through right now is perfectly normal. It’s part of learning how relationships end, and how to prepare yourself for a new relationship with a girl who’s not going to fall in love with somebody else at the same time she’s telling you that she loves you. Basically you’ll find a girl who you deserve, and who deserves you. Just be patient and she’ll come along.
I know you can’t function right now, and that you can’t imagine life without your ex, but I can absolutely 1000% promise you that life goes on. I remember how devastated I was when my first girlfriend broke up with me – I was 16 and never thought I’d meet anyone else like her. The reality is that she was probably the worst girlfriend I’ve ever had – good riddance to her!

I can’t say that you’ll never get back together with your ex, but I would caution you against it. I’m not sure she’s as ready for a serious relationship as you are. For right now your dad is 100% right – focus on you and what makes you happy for a while. Do something with your friends that doesn’t involve dating, for example.

You have your whole life to be doing super-serious stuff like college, relationships, marriage, babies and mortgages, for example, so why not take the next few weeks and figure out what non-relationship stuff makes you happy and do that instead.

Marlon

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