My Girlfriend Caught Me Chatting To Another Girl

Question:

Hi there,

I’ve been in a long distance relationship with a girl for about 5 months now, a relationship which started as a friendship and developed from there. We were a very happy couple, or at least we were until I got caught chatting to another girl on my mobile phone. We weren’t chatting about anything serious – I was just talking to her to pass the time – but my girlfriend found the conversation and she wasn’t happy about it.

I explained to her that I was literally just passing away some time chatting with this other girl and apologized for doing that. My girlfriend accepted my apology and understood that I wasn’t trying to do anything wrong. When I finally got back to the town both myself and my girlfriend live in she stopped talking to me out of the blue. When I asked her the reason for this she said that I was irritating and that she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.

It’s been over a month now and she still isn’t talking to me. I really do want her in my life, and miss her very badly. I love her and she knows I really do, so I don’t get why my girlfriend is doing this to me/us. She’s even blocked my number, making it impossible to contact her.

What can I do to be part of her life again?

Please help!

Raj

Answer:

Hi Raj,

The first thing to mention here is that your girlfriend obviously didn’t trust you because she felt the need to go checking your phone like that. Or did she just accidentally find it when she was looking at your phone one day? Either way the fact that she felt the need to check up on you means that, at some level, she didn’t really trust you even from the very start. This could be because she’s been cheated on in the past (I’m not suggesting you cheated on her), and now every time a guy does anything she considers to be “wrong” she has a major reaction to that – which is what you’re seeing at the moment.

You’ve already apologized, and she accepted your apology, so based on that I can’t understand why she’s behaving like this. From my own perspective if you sincerely apologize for something you did wrong, and that apology is then accepted, the other person then treating you badly means they didn’t really believe your initial explanation. What’s probably happened here is that she told some of her female friends about what happened and they’ve all advised her to dump you and move on with her life. Her comment about your being “irritating” is only part of her reaction – she wants to hurt you to make you realize that you really did hurt her by chatting to this other girl.

Right now you’re in a very difficult situation because she’s made it almost impossible for you to get in touch with her. If she’s blocked your number, and is refusing to talk to you, then you could always write her a letter explaining how you feel, that you genuinely are sorry and that you’d like the chance to explain this to her face-to-face.

If you do get to meet her face-to-face don’t look for ways to blame her for making you feel bad – this will just lead to her walking away again. Just be honest with her about what happened, tell her exactly how you feel and hopefully she’ll realize that she’s completely overreacting to the situation.

Do bear in mind though that this girl believes she should have access to every single aspect of your life. The question is would she give you access to all her private information too. And if not, then why not?

Marlon

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