My Rollercoaster Ex Is Confusing Me To The Point Of A Nervous Breakdown

Question:

After a 5-month long rollercoaster of a relationship my ex started playing mind games with me I think. I still believed she was “into me” though because she was showing me obvious signs of affection. On Valentine’s Day she reassured me that everything was okay between us, but then broke up with me 3-days later.

This wasn’t the end of it though because she kept changing her story day-after-day for that entire week. In the end the entire situation left me feeling exhausted, stressed and pretty angry about the fact that I had absolutely no control in this “relationship”.

In the end I was living in so much fear of seeing a new message from her that I literally broke down and asked her for a “no contact” period, so I’d have the time to think straight for the first time in weeks.

She replied to my request by telling me she had removed me from Facebook so that her feeds wouldn’t bother me, that she had accidentally dialled my number while trying to speak to her mom and to take care of myself. There was no mention of us seeing each other again, or about us making any attempt to talk things through later on – which kind of surprised me.

To be honest I’m still trying to figure out what happened, but I do agree with you about honesty, which is exactly what I miss about her most.

I’m not necessarily looking to “lure” her back, but to try and mend myself, the trust that was broken, and if possible reconnect with her again in a few weeks.

If you can give me any advice here that would be very helpful 🙂

Martijn

Answer:

Hi Martijn,

There’s a few things here which struck me while I was reading your question, so I want to address those here first.

  • You said “the trust that was broken”. I’m assuming this girl has given you reason not to trust her before she broke up with you? If that’s the case then you need to remember that it’s very difficult to build trust with a person who has proven they can’t be trusted. In fact it’s probably the quickest way known to man to drive yourself insane.
  • Dialling her mother’s number by accident. Ummm sorry that’s an obvious lie because unless her mother’s telephone number is almost identical to yours then it wasn’t an accident. If she’s using a smartphone then she has your number in her phonebook already I’d imagine, so that 100% proves it wasn’t an accident.
  • You said that you missed her honesty the most. Do you really think an honest person would tell you that everything between you was ok, and then simply break up with you 72-hours later? That’s not what an honest person does Martijn – male or female. It’s not something that somebody who genuinely loves you would do. Believe me I know this from personal experience because I had somebody do the same thing to me, except they chose New Year’s Day to break up with me – great timing, eh?

I think for now the only smart choice for you is to stick to the “no contact” period for a couple of weeks at least. I think this is the best course of action for a number of reasons, but the main one is that it appears your ex-girlfriend has absolutely no idea what she wants from a relationship. She also seems to have a major problem telling the truth, or at least understanding what “truth” actually is.

So for now stay completely clear of her and don’t meet up with her. Instead spend that “no contact” time figuring out what you want from life, what would make you happy, and, most importantly, WHO would make you happy.

Do you see a future with a woman who could break up with you at any moment?

You need to be very honest with yourself here buddy because you could waste several months (or years) of your life chasing a girl who wasn’t worth your time.

Marlon

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