My Deadbeat Boyfriend Has Left Me…Again!!

Question:

My boyfriend broke up with me again – he said he needed some space. This all came after I told him I needed a few days alone because I was depressed. Right now he’s saying he wants to be friends, but I don’t want that. I even wrote him an apology letter, and he replied that he will always love me too.

I’m trying so hard not to contact him right now, but we have kids together so he calls at 9pm each night to say goodnight – but we don’t talk to each other.

Right now I’m feeling really hurt and I don’t know what to do. We dated for four years, but one day he suddenly left me and didn’t come back for 18 months. Now he’s gone again after 6 months, even though we had a plan for improving things between us, but he just never followed through on any of his promises.

I’m so heartbroken and alone – I don’t know what to do! I even saw that he’s created a new Facebook page, and then added everyone – including a ton of girls -but he never added me and I don’t know why!?

Please help!

Jennifer

Answer:

Hi Jennifer,

Whenever I have to advise people to make a judgment on another person I always suggest that they judge a person by their actions and not their words. It appears Captain Unreliable is really just showing his true colors here by disappearing again and leaving you and the kids behind – he says one thing and then does something else!

I’m assuming that because he calls every night that it’s the only contact he has with his children? If so that’s not somebody you can rely on – basically because you’ll never know when he’s going to leave again. Also the fact that he just walked out on his own children is immature, childish and not something a real man does.

To be honest I’m also trying to figure out why you wrote him an apology letter when he broke up with you? Is this a common thing where you wind up having to apologize to him for when arguments start, or when he decides to leave again? Basically there’s no reason for you to apologize for anything, unless you’ve actually done something wrong!

His creating a new Facebook page and not adding you is his way of sending you a pretty clear message here – he’s either trying to make you jealous, or he’s trying to start a new life without you. I’m sorry – I know it hurts to hear that, but this man genuinely doesn’t seem to give a crap about how you feel.

Here’s something a friend shared with me just yesterday, “Never chase love or affection, if it’s not given freely then it’s not worth having.” Forcing somebody to love you is pointless – they either love you or they don’t. In this case your ex is in love with himself and nobody else by the sounds of things!

Loneliness is the most difficult part of going through a breakup, but you won’t feel lonely forever. Basically this man isn’t a positive influence in your life, and is a terrible role model for his kids. Your focus right now should be on creating the best possible life for you and your children, and let Captain Unreliable play on Facebook with his new friends – believe me he’ll be the one who regrets walking out on you, sooner rather than later.

Marlon

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