My Boyfriend Won’t Even Look At Me – Help!

Question:

My boyfriend told me that it was over and I was so hurt I went out and slept with somebody else. This was around the same time he told me he was moving to North Carolina, and I knew he was already talking to somebody else outside of our relationship.

I really do feel horrible for doing what I did, but he’s told me that now he doesn’t care what I do – not even if I kill myself. He’s told me that he’ll never trust me again, and can’t face even touching me or looking at me. The thing is that I only slept with somebody else after he told me he’d already met somebody else.

Even when I was having sex with the other guy I cried my way through the whole thing, and even after that I called my boyfriend telling him to come home and that I loved him and missed him. I was just completely heartbroken by the whole situation.

I didn’t even know how I was going to tell him about it, but when I did him promised me that we’d move forward together. Instead he keeps bringing it up and I feel like he’s using it against me, and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Karysa

Answer:

Hey Karysa,

This situation might seem very complicated to you but it’s not really. What’s happening here is that your boyfriend is psychologically torturing you to make him feel better about his decision to move away, and probably the fact that he’s been cheating on you too.

The reality of the situation is this:

  1. He was already moving to another state to be with somebody else, so he was willing to break your heart without even pausing to think about it
  2. He promised you that you’d move on past this incident when he decided to stay but didn’t do that

The thing is that your boyfriend is blaming you for something he actually caused in the first place by treating you badly – you were simply reacting to him leaving you and looking for comfort. Now that he’s decided he’s not moving to another state he wants you to feel bad for what you did, despite the fact it was at least 50% his fault this happened in the first place.

What I’m saying here is that if your boyfriend hadn’t been talking to somebody else on the side, and hadn’t told you he was moving to another state, then it’s highly unlikely that you would have slept with this other guy in the first place, right?

Karysa I’m afraid your boyfriend is a fan of manipulating women, or at least that’s my diagnosis based on what you’ve told me.

If you’re really interested in staying with him (and I’m not sure why you would be) then ask him to simply promise you that he’ll let the past be the past and move on with your life together.

If he breaks that promise even once then the next thing you need to do is move on with your life and leave him behind – he doesn’t sound like a particularly loving or supporting boyfriend.

Always remember that it’s easy to tell somebody you love them, but only the really good guys will actually show you that they love you by how well they treat you.

Stay strong and don’t take any crap from him!

Marlon

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monica Reply

Karisa, I am so sorry to see that you are feeling guilty for something that you are not of. Listen carefully, your boyfriend took you for granted, gave up on you, hurt your feelings. And that’s what is important. You need to love yourself, and do not allow bad people to treat you like that.
You need to take a deep breath, and say that you did you wanted to do, even knowing that wasn’t the best option, however for that moment made you feel better after all the things you had with your bf.
Therefore, straight your head up girl, and move on. You deserve better. If he changes accept him back, but if he doesn’t, no way. Enough is enough.

God bless you!
Monica

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