Is My Ex Girlfriend Just Using Me, Or Does She Want Me Back?

Question:

My ex and I broke up 2 years ago. She’s moved on and sees other men. I haven’t moved on though.

However, we are still good friends and go out regularly. We can spend the whole day together and enjoy every minute from start to finish. She’s always smiling in my company but I feel tense and nervous around her. She asks me intimate questions and shares her intimate experiences with me.

Am I just being used, or is there a chance for us yet?

Dan

Answer:

Hi Dan,

The tension you feel around her is because you’ve not had any closure in the relationship – you’ve never had a chance to distance yourself from her and do the “no contact” thing. It’s not that you can’t be friends with this ex, but you need to heal yourself first and in my book that means putting some distance between you and her immediately. That doesn’t mean you have to be cold or ignore her, but simply let her know that you need some space from her and to not share intimate details of her life with you until you give her permission to do that – she can’t just assume it’s ok to do that!

To be honest the fact that she shares that kind of information with you means she has no social or emotional boundaries, and you’re going to continue to be hurt until you get some closure for yourself in this.

2 years is a long time to hang onto the hope that you might get back together, but if you look deep inside yourself you already know the answer to this question – you don’t need me to tell you. Your gut is already telling you what you need to know – you just need to listen to it man.

Are you being used? I don’t think she’s using you deliberately, I think it’s just convenient for her to have you as part of her life in a way that suits her but is incredibly uncomfortable for you. That’s also a very selfish position for her to take and something you need to change immediately too. You’re at her beck and call, so you should bring that to a screeching halt as of right now.

You deserve better than to feel uncomfortable, so don’t put yourself in situations where she makes you feel like that – I sense that you already know this but you’re afraid you’ll miss out that one night when she tells you she wants to get back together with you, right?

What you’re missing out on here Dan is that as long as this ex is occupying this space in your heart and in your life there’s no room for a new girlfriend – so make that room available for somebody new by evicting the current tenant in your heart. Basically give yourself the space and emotional freedom you need to find love and live the life YOU want.

Otherwise you’re going to be sitting there in 5 years time, wishing, and waiting and hoping. Tempus Fugit dude!

Marlon

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