Is My Ex-Boyfriend Falling For Me…Again?

Question:

My boyfriend and I broke up a little over 2 months ago and we didn’t speak after that until the day of his birthday when I decided to send him a very simple text saying “Happy Birthday”. He did respond to my text but I didn’t reply to that because I was scared to start a conversation with him considering we’d only broken up quite recently.

Christmas was right around the corner and on Christmas day I received a “Merry Christmas” text from him and he told me that he hoped I got everything I wanted because I deserved it. I responded to this text saying “Thank you” and we’ve been texting each other almost non-stop since then. There literally hasn’t been a day he hasn’t texted me, including texts during the night.

I met him at a baseball game recently and we said “Hi” and then started talking. It didn’t end with talking though because we hooked up that night. After we’d hooked up he texted me like normal, until we met up again and hooked up again.

Now I’m scared to say anything to him about “us” because I don’t want to pressure him into anything, but at the same time I don’t want to get hurt. I know he still has feelings for me but I have no idea what his intentions are right now.

I just want some advice on what I should do next i.e. do I talk to him about “us”, or just let things flow with time?

Angie

Answer:

Hi Angie,

You’re in a kinda dangerous position at the moment because you obviously still have feelings for your ex-boyfriend too, but you’re also straying pretty far into the territory of becoming his F-Buddy, or what people call a “friend with benefits“. This is something which happens to a lot of couples after they break up because they can’t face the idea of being intimate with another guy or gal straight away, so they go to their ex for “comfort”.

Now the fact that your boyfriend contacted you first isn’t a bad sign, because it means he was thinking about you. He also stays in contact before and after you hook up with each other, which again isn’t a bad sign. Overall he does seem to be showing at least some signs of romantic interest in you.

The real problem here Angie is that, although you both obviously still have feelings for each other, one of you is going to wind up getting hurt unless you can figure out if you’re getting back together or not. The hook ups will be fine for weeks, or even months, but you’ll eventually want more and you’re going to blurt it out without even realizing it.

I totally get where you’re coming from about not wanting to say anything right now in case you ruin your chance of having a relationship with him again (I had a very similar situation with an ex of mine years ago), but the reality is that you’re going to have to talk to him about this sooner or later.

Now you can have this conversation with him without freaking him out by making a joke out of it, so he can’t feel under pressure plus you get the answer you’re looking for one way or another. You could jokingly say something like “Oh I’m just another name in your little black book of girls I’m sure!?”, and see how he reacts to that. This gives him a chance to respond without feeling pushed into a corner, but do pay attention to how he responds because it will tell you a lot about what he thinks about you guys getting back together.

Basically it’s a 50/50 split on whether or not your hook ups mean you’re getting back together or not, but until you jokingly quiz him about it you’re not going to be any closer to the truth.

I hope it works out for you either way!

All the best!

Marlon

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