Is My Boyfriend Using Facebook To Cheat On Me?

Question:

Hi there,

My boyfriend and I both work together in law enforcement, so we obviously have a lot in common. I have a Facebook page with about 13 co-workers on my friends list, but he doesn’t have a Facebook account at all.

Last Saturday my boyfriend and I went to NY Yankee stadium and had a really great time there. I took a few pics of us while we were there, and doing the normal thing I put them up on my Facebook page the next day. He found out about this through somebody else and told me he doesn’t want any of his pictures on Facebook, and he definitely doesn’t want any of his co-workers to know about his personal life.

This really hurt and offended me because when he goes out with the guys from work they take pics and they’re all over their Facebook pages the next day, and my boyfriend doesn’t mind this at all, which I find really strange.
Deep down I get the feeling that he’s talking to/meeting somebody else and doesn’t want them to know he’s already in a relationship, so any pictures of him and me on Facebook would ruin that for him.

I explained how I feel about this to him, and that the way he’s acting is a real “red flag” for me. He didn’t want to hear anything I had to say and just changed the subject. He just told me that I need to respect his wishes about posting pictures on Facebook, and that was that.

Can you give me your opinion on this situation please? We’re not teenagers anymore – we’re both in our early 40s. Please help!

Thank you

Answer:

Hi,

I’ve always been a big believer in basing my opinions of people on their actions and not their words. Basically talk is cheap and it’s easy for some guy to tell you that he loves and respects you, but it’s much more difficult to actually “live” that and show that he loves and respects you through his actions.

Now in this situation I can understand his desire for privacy in terms of his pictures being on Facebook, or at least I do generally speaking. If, however, he really wanted to keep his personal information off Facebook he’d make sure that he wouldn’t appear in ANY Facebook pictures, and not just the pictures which include you as well. So that explanation from him makes absolutely no sense at all, and using a “respect my wishes” line isn’t going to cut it either.

The fact that you tried to talk to him about this and he basically just switched off and changed the subject was bound to set off an alarm inside your head and inside your heart, so I don’t blame you for being suspicious. You’re acting like a mature and reasonable adult here, and he’s behaving like a spoiled child. Other women would just go with their gut instinct and kick him out.

Right at this point in time you owe it to yourself to find out what’s going on with him, and if needs be ask him straight out if he’s seeing/talking to somebody else in a romantic or sexual way. The best way to get an honest answer from somebody with this stuff is to talk to him about something like work, ask him a few questions about it to get him out of a mentally defensive mode and then simply look him in the eyes and ask him if he’s seeing somebody else – you work in law enforcement, so I don’t need to explain how much his body language will tell you.

I can’t say for certain that your boyfriend is cheating on you, but he’s definitely hiding something from you.

I really hope you get to the end of this – you deserve the truth!

Marlon

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