Is My Boyfriend Still Dating His Ex?

Question:

I have been dating a man on and off for the last few years. During those years there have been occasions when I wouldn’t see or hear from him for days, weeks or even months at a time. He does have three children from a previous relationship, and I do understand that he has to see their mother as part of that. Curiosity got the better of me though, so I asked a friend of mine who knows him, and she said she thinks he has a girlfriend.

This same friend of mine is also friends with my boyfriend’s mom on Facebook, so I did some digging around on her profile and came across the profile my boyfriend’s ex (the mother of his kids). There were plenty of pictures of them together on her Facebook page, with the last one being from August 2014.

I asked him about the pictures, but he said that their relationship was strictly about the kids. He also mentioned that his ex was always trying to find out who he was dating right now, but that it was none of her business.

Basically I have no real proof that he’s still with her, but my gut instinct is that he’s lying to me. In all the time I’ve known him I’ve been to his mother’s house, and met some of his relatives, but I’ve never been to his house.

We have only ever really been on one date – we went through the drive-thru at McDonalds, and went to eat it at an out-of-the-way park. He always gets phone calls when we’re spending time together, but he’s only ever answered one of them. Every other time he gets a call he just says that he’ll call them back.

All of this makes me wonder that when I don’t see him he’s actually spending time with her.

Thanks!

Roxanne

Answer:

Hi Roxanne,

I think you already know what’s going on with your “boyfriend” – you’ve said as much in your answer. Unfortunately there’s tons of proof that your boyfriend is not being honest with you, and to be honest any guy who vanishes for days, weeks or months at a time isn’t worth wasting your time on. If he really cared about you he’d stay in touch with you almost all the time – he can’t just disappear from somebody’s life and then drop back into it when it suits you!

He’d done everything possible to make you paranoid and to doubt him, so I don’t see that you’ve done anything wrong here. The fact that you can’t visit him in his own home is also very worrying – he’s quite obviously hiding something from you there. Maybe he’s just ashamed of how he lives, but hiding things from you is a bad sign too.

Roxanne I don’t think you can call getting drive-thru at McDonalds a date to be honest. Even worse is the fact that he wanted to park in the middle of nowhere, and the only reason he did that is so he wouldn’t be seen by whoever he’s been hiding from when he’s with you.

There’s no doubt in my mind that this guy is still in an active relationship with another woman, and most probably his ex. He probably only sees you when he wants a break from her, and you can be 1000% certain he’s using his relationship with you as a weapon against her to make her paranoid too. He’s a classic manipulator, and the kind of person who doesn’t care who he hurts as long as he gets his own way.

Break up with him and walk away. Don’t get involved with his ex. Don’t try to contact her. There’s no point in wasting your time on somebody who doesn’t spend any quality time with you.

Marlon

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Roxanne - December 31, 2014 Reply

No worries about the delay. I appreciate the response. But him and I broke up. I asked one person who knows him. The guy said he stays out of other peoples business. Well my ex bf found out asked me why i was asking people about him. Then proceeded to tell me to lose his number. I told him I’m not going to fight him on it. You can’t lose what you never had. Thank you again.

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