Is My Boyfriend Attracted To His Female Friend?

Question:

Hi,

My boyfriend and I have been together for five years now. I do believe that he loves me, he shows it and says it pretty often. But the other day he reacted very oddly when I told him that one of my friends is really attracted to one of his closest female friends. I know I may be making something out of nothing here, but my neurotic mind is telling me that he has feelings for her himself. He’s said in the past that he think she’s odd, but when I told him about the attraction he asked me what brought it on. He even asked me if she thinks this friend is cute and why she might be interested in him.

He doesn’t usually ask questions like that, so it was unsettling for me.

Am I being paranoid?

Rie

Answer:

Hi Rie,

When a person’s behavior changes it’s always good to pay attention to that, especially if that person is somebody you’re in a relationship with. I don’t think you have a neurotic mind – just a mind that doesn’t want to get hurt. It only becomes a neurosis when you’re convinced that your boyfriend secretly falls in love with every woman he meets – which obviously isn’t the case.

The possible scenarios here are:

  1. Your boyfriend has feelings for his female friend, but is struggling to stay in control of them
  2. Your boyfriend is secretly dating his female friend behind your back
  3. Your boyfriend has no feelings for his female friend, but is afraid she might get hurt
  4. Your boyfriend just asked questions out of idle curiosity, and you’re reading too much into it

Which of the above is the right answer? That’s impossible to tell here because I would have to make a judgment based on just a few pieces of information. If you’ve never had a reason to doubt your boyfriend before then now is probably not a good time to start, at least not without some kind of proof that he’s done something wrong.

The reality is that if you look hard enough at any person, and investigate them enough, you’ll turn up something you don’t want to know about them. As with almost every piece of advice I give on questions like this, the best possible way to find out if he has any feelings for this female friend is to simply ask him and then pay attention to his body language.

Pay attention to your gut instinct though – because if you feel “weird” about their friendship in any way there’s probably a very good reason for that.

Marlon

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