I’ve Fixed All My “Problems” But I’m Not Sure He Wants Me Back?

Question:

The main thing is that I know what I did wrong – I was the classic clingy girlfriend who didn’t give my partner space and pushed him into taking the next step in our relationship, among other things. We’ve known each other for 2 years and in that time we grew to understand that we were perfect for each other, or at least that’s how it seemed.

Since then I’ve been giving him all the space I can and I haven’t contacted him in 30-days. I finally decided to write him a letter, and in it apologized for how I treated him and telling him I’ve changed. I didn’t beg or plead in the letter, I just admitted my faults and asked for another chance.

The problem is that I sent this letter last Tuesday, so I’m assuming he received the letter last Thursday or Friday because he only lives a mile from my home. So even though I’m pretty sure he’s received the letter I haven’t heard a word from him!

I know we are right for each other and I recognize my own faults. During the time we’ve been apart I’ve been working on these aspects of my personality and corrected them in myself for the good of our relationship. I do understand how unhealthy it was for us not to have space.

So right now my biggest worry is about how to get him to give our relationship another chance. I want to initiate contact and show him I am a better partner and that we can have a strong relationship now.

I’d really appreciate some help here though!

Anonymous

Answer:

Hi,

The first thing I’m noticing about your request for help is that you seem to have burdened yourself with 100% of the blame for whatever went wrong in the relationship. You see the reality is that when relationships turn sour it’s very rarely 100% the fault of just one person, this is because it takes two people to have a relationship. Basically this means that your boyfriend played a part in the relationship not working, even if he’d prefer to think that he didn’t.

Now from a male point of view the whole “clingy” thing can be off-putting and kinda scary at times – even if we do love the girl it can be overwhelming to suddenly find yourself in a “serious” relationship without having made a conscious decision about that happening. He might have enjoyed all the attention he was getting from you at first, then gotten uncomfortable with it and that’s when you’re told you were being clingy.

I’ve seen it happen with both sexes in relationships, and usually the person accusing you of being clingy is the person who was far more clingy at the beginning of your relationship. Do you think that’s true of your boyfriend perhaps?

As for giving him space I think 30-days is more than enough and if nothing else you deserve a straight answer at this point. If he hasn’t made his mind up after 30-days then there’s a very good chance he’ll never be able to decide, so you need to protect your own feelings and your own future here too – you can’t wait forever for him can you?

Contacting him after 30-days seems reasonable to me, but I’d suggest that you don’t approach the situation in an “I’m sorry please, please take me back! I’ve fixed all my problems!” kinda way. Why? Well because it can actually make you sound really needy, which is probably the last thing he wants to hear.

Remember it is highly unlikely that you are 100% to blame for 100% of the problems in your relationship – there were two people involved and if you can’t be treated and loved as an equal in the relationship then it might not be the relationship for you.

Keep me posted on your progress!

Marlon

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