I Have A Crush On An Older Guy – How Can I Make Him Like Me?

Question:

Hi,

There’s a guy I’ve liked for about 4 years now, and because I’m so young this is the first guy I’ve really liked who isn’t a singer or an actor. Basically this guy is my first real-life “crush”, and he’s about 4 years older than me. The problem is though that because he’s older than me, and during a Facebook chat about our day-to-day lives I told him about my feelings for him and he said he wasn’t interested. Several people I know, know him and tell me that he’s a good guy.

Even though he told me he’s not interested in me I still feel like there’s some kind of connection between us, and I believe fate wants us to be together. The situation has become even more complicated because a close friend of mine told him things I did NOT want him to know about me or how I feel about him. I didn’t want her to become involved in my crush on this guy at all, but it’s too late to change that now.

I think about him all the time – he’s literally all I think about. The idea of letting him go would break my heart into little pieces, so I don’t see that as being a sensible option.

I don’t want to push him into making him like me, but how do I get a fresh start with him? I just want him to see the amazing person I am, and in real life – not just Facebook messaging.

How do I make him want me as much as I want him?

Emily

Answer:

Hi Emily,

It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there and tell a guy that you really like him, so congratulation on taking your first step past boy band crushes and into a bigger, and more exciting world. The age gap between you and this other guy isn’t huge, but the problem is that you’re obviously younger than him and this bothers him. Let me explain.

If you’re 15 and you want to date a guy that’s 19, you’re going to find it’s impossible to make that happen. The first reason for this is that it’s illegal in many states for a male over the age of 18 to form a relationship with a girl aged 16 years of age, or younger. The second reason is that guys who are aged 18 or 19 are maturing into their own adult lives, and leaving their teenage years behind – they think completely differently to how you do. Now if you were 22 and he was 26 that wouldn’t be a problem – age gaps become less and less important as you get older, and by the time you’re 30 they don’t really matter at all.

Your friend probably got involved to try and help him see how much you like him, but he’s already made up his mind I’m afraid. But her getting involved has also probably made him even more cautious about talking to you. Don’t hate her for that though – she was just trying to help you.

The issue is that you’re not 30, or even 20 – you’re still a teenager and this guy has to be very, very careful about hurting your feelings. You see you might feel there’s a connection between you, but he doesn’t feel the same way about things as you.

So unfortunately you can’t ever make a person love you as much as you love them – you’re learning a very important life lesson i.e. you don’t always get what you want no matter how much you want it. Right now trying to have a relationship with this guy just isn’t going to work out, for a number of different reasons.

Enjoy being a teenager, and enjoy the fact that you’re going to have crushes on guys. It’s completely normal and natural to feel the way you are right now.

Just realize that the right guy for you will come along (sooner than you think) and you won’t have to convince him to love you as much as you love him, because he’ll already feel like that.

Marlon

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