How Do I Make My Ex Love Me Again?

Question:

Hi,

I’m currently living with my ex-girlfriend, even though we broke up 2-years ago after having spent 10 years together in total. The reason why I’m living with her is that she moved out of state and asked me to move there with her to help her with our child.

The problem (well besides living with my ex) is that I still have feelings for her, but anytime I’ve acted on those feelings she’s rejected me. I really do want to reconcile with her, but she keeps telling me she’s not “on the same page” with that idea, and all she really wants is somebody to help with our son.

How do I get back our relationship back on track now that we’re not talking to each other but still living in the same house? She’s even asked me to stay there longer!?

Mike

Answer:

Hi Mike,

To be honest with you I don’t think you’re in a relationship that can be saved at this point, or at least not one where romance is an option. I have no idea where your relationship with your ex actually ended in the first place though, but I’m assuming it was her decision and not yours? The reason I’m saying that is because you obviously still have some romantic and sexual interest in her, but she’s making it clear she only wants you there to help her out with your kid.

I feel that you’re being manipulated in your relationship and that your child is being used as leverage to get you to stick around as long as she wants you to. It’s not uncommon for this to happen, and the women who do it aren’t always aware of what they’re doing but they do it anyway.

I’m also going to assume that you’re working and paying most of the bills there too?

Have either of you discussed how long you’re going to stay there? You’ve invested 2 years of your life in living with a woman who obviously has no desire to rekindle her relationship with you, so I’m wondering how much longer you want to live like that? 5 years? 10?

Mike there are tens of thousands of great dads out there who don’t live in the same house or apartment as their children, so her reasons for having you live there are purely for her own benefit from what you’ve told me. I get a very strong sense that you’re left doing most of the work here, because she’s “tired” a lot of the time?

Your child is now at least 2 years old by now, which means that the toughest parts of raising a toddler are behind both you and her. This also means that unless you truly want to stay in a loveless “relationship” you need to move out and get a place of your own. You can still spend all the time you want with your kid, but you also deserve a life of your own too.

I understand you still have feelings for her, but trying to convince somebody to love you (when they really don’t) is like trying to juggle water – it never works out.

Talk to her and explain that you’re moving out as soon as you can afford it, that you deserve to have happiness in your life BUT that you want to remain as much a part of your child’s life as you possibly can.

She only has control of you as long as you accept that control Mike.

Stay strong. Do the right thing.

Marlon

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