How Do I Get Him To Spend All His Free Time With Me?

Question:

I started dating my boyfriend about 2 months ago, although we’d known each other for at least a month before that.

Right from the very start he seemed really into me, he said “I love you” first and wanted to spend a lot of time with me. The problem is that lately I feel like he isn’t quite as interested in me and is actively creating some distance between us.

So I need some advice on how to get him motivated again and how to get him to want to spend all his time with me.

Patricia

Answer:

Hi Patricia,

Firstly you are in what people call the “honeymoon” period of your relationship, where things aren’t meant to be this complicated. Typically when relationships get this complicated after just a few weeks (in this case 8 weeks) then it’s a sign they’re going to continue to be complicated for the duration of the relationship. So do bear that in mind when thinking about where you want this relationship to go.

Secondly, and more worrying, is that you said that you wanted to “get him motivated to spend all his time with me”. Now from this I’ll assume that you’re quite young and that you think time spent apart from your boyfriend is a bad thing. It’s not though because spending some time apart is actually healthy for 99.9% of relationships, plus it’s not natural to spend 100% of your time with just one single person.

The fact that you want him to spend all of his time with you instead of doing anything else is probably the reason why he’s creating some distance between you in the first place. How would you feel if somebody demanded that you spend 100% of your time with them?

Instead of trying to motivate him to do what you want (which is called manipulation) it might be a better idea to talk to him, see how he feels about your relationship and take the next step from there.

An honest conversation with the person you love is worth 100 times more than any psychological trick to get a person to do what you want. Unless your relationship has a solid foundation built on trust, mutual respect and genuine love you’re going to struggle to keep it alive for very long.

Marlon

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Tshego - April 19, 2014 Reply

I started dating my boyfriend about four months ago. Now he want to go to university of wits and is very too far away from me and I think he want to open an distance between us bt i want him spend spend time with me. When I ask him why too far he keep on ignoring it and dont want to talk about it…. What must i do? Am realy confussed.

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