Does My Long Distance Ex Still Love Me?

Question:

I was in a long distance relationship with a guy for 4 years, at least until he got a DUI and became depressed afterwards. Then to make matters worse he cheated on me and got the other woman pregnant, which obviously ended the relationship. He moved to another town around this time too.

Due to specific healthcare requirements I had to move to the town he lives in, which was around the same time this other woman’s child was born – she has a 10-year old son too. I can’t understand why he’s with this other woman because she’s always broke and unattractive from my point of view.

The last time I spoke too him he sounded really depressed and admitted to me that he didn’t love her anymore, plus he’d put on a lot of weight and just looked so stressed out. He has definitely aged in the 16-months he’s been with this other woman, whereas when he was with me he was in college and looked healthy.

To be honest I miss him but I haven’t spoken to him in a while, but he does live just 15-minutes from me. I know that they live in a small 2-bedroom apartment and I’m pretty sure he’s the only one with a job, so I’m assuming he’s supporting the entire family too.

What I’m wondering is do you think he loves her and will eventually marry her? Do you think he misses me the same way I miss him? It’s not that I’m sitting around waiting for him because I know I have a life to live. I’m still single though because I don’t like jumping into and out of relationships every few months.

Basically do you think we’ll ever get back together?

Thanks

Lisa

Answer:

Hey Lisa,

What sticks out for me most here is that you say that you’re not sitting around waiting for him but you obviously are – even if it’s just at a subconscious level you definitely haven’t moved on with your life. You see if you had moved on it wouldn’t bother you whether or not he gets married to this woman, or whether or not he’s providing for her and their kids. Your concern for him is touching but is a very clear sign that you’re still heavily invested in this guy in a pretty serious way emotionally.

He’s told you that he doesn’t love this woman but he seems to want to do the right thing by sticking around and being a dad to their kid. This is admirable of him but if he’s truly not happy there he’ll eventually up and leave – he’s grown up enough to father a child and move in with this woman so he doesn’t need your help, suggestions or advice there.

The only way you can find out whether or not he misses you is to just flat out ask him, but bear in mind that you’re potentially interfering with the stability of another person’s family when you’re doing this. You do sound like you need closure though, and to be fair that’s understandable and something you are entitled to considering he was such a big part of your life for so many years.

So maybe call him and ask him straight out how he feels about you, and if there’s any chance of you getting back together. Just remember that the answer he gives you is probably not going to be the one you want to hear, but I do feel that you still need to hear it so that you can really move on with your life.

From what you’ve said in your message you seem like a caring person, but you should maybe spend more time caring for yourself than other people right now 🙂

Marlon

My Long Distance Ex Is Appearing Back In My Life – HELP!

Question:

Hi,

It’s me again. There’s been new stuff happening in my life lately, like me running into my ex a lot for example. I’ve never even tried to contact him or even wave at him when I do actually see him though – I’m keeping total distance there. Then one day I ran into him again in traffic and this time he smiled and waved as if he was genuinely happy to see me.

So then a member of my family bugged me to call him and just say hello, basically saying they felt it was sad that the two of us can’t just say hello to each other in public and check in on each other from time to time. After about a week I did call him, which was the first time I’d contacted him since May this year, and luckily enough he actually answered. We chatted for a minute or two and it was all kinda “..glad to see you’re well” and “take care” stuff during our conversation.

Why do you think he waved to me and even went as far as answering my phone call? It’s not like I’ve been sitting around waiting for him – I’ve been dating other people since I asked you my previous question. To be honest what really surprised me was that he answered the phone even when “she” didn’t want him to.

Just wondering what’s going on here…

Lisa

Answer:

Hi Lisa,

Well firstly I’m glad to hear that you’ve been dating and basically living your life – that’s so important it goes beyond mere words. You’ve also maintained distance between you both which is equally important and very healthy for you emotionally.

Now to get down to business with your ex. You did mention in your previous question that he lives 15-minutes from you – did you move closer to him or were all these meetings just pure chance? The reason why I’m asking is that sometimes people can subconsciously move closer to an ex just to show them that they’re getting on with their lives, and basically that their ex doesn’t matter. From what you’re saying I think you feel fate is playing a hand here? Don’t mistake fate for random chance though, otherwise you could wind up getting yourself hurt again.

So let’s look at the facts. He’s still with this other lady and her 10-year old son I’m assuming? If that’s the case he might be just really happy to see a friendly face, especially if he’s in a particularly bad relationship. The same applies to the reason why he answered the phone to you – it might be just a case of being happy to hear a friendly voice.

It’s great to have friends in your life which mean something to you and maybe this is what your ex could be to you. I would just advise you to be cautious for now because he didn’t chat for very long so there’s obviously still a lot of distance there between you both.

The fact remains that he’s still in a relationship with this other woman, right or wrong, good or bad. And until he’s out of that relationship you run the risk of being badly hurt all over again by chasing him.

For now keep dating and living your life, and if your ex contacts you then by all means talk to him but take things VERY slowly with him please!

Let me know how you get on!

Marlon

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