Does "My Guy" Feel The Same Way? | Relationship Q&A

Does “My Guy” Feel The Same Way?


I’m going to school with this guy that I’ve really liked since last August – we’re always making fun of each other. It got to the point where people were asking if we liked each other, but he had a girlfriend and I was definitely under the impression that he wasn’t attracted to me, so I just tried to get over it. This was probably easier because we never hung out after school.

Then last month he broke up with his girlfriend, so I started to dress up a bit more every day, taking more care with my makeup than I normally do. One of the days he said I looked really nice, and I could swear that he was staring at me…but he didn’t pay any extra attention to me any of the other days I was making more of an effort with how I looked.

My birthday was yesterday, and after spending some time trying to figure out what I wanted to do I decided I wanted to go clubbing with some friends. I told him about my plans for my birthday and he immediately said, “Oh cool, can I come?” I was totally shocked and was like “Yes you can come!” I didn’t know if he was serious about turning up, but I really hoped that he was.

It was my birthday last night, so I put A LOT of time into my clothes, makeup and hair. I looked really good for my night out, and I even put on some false eyelashes to complete my look. My best friend, who got ready with me, said I was a 20-out-of-10 lol!

So anyways I went downtown with three of my friends, and I knew that the guy I liked would meet up with us a little later, so we went ahead, ate some food and had a blast. He finally got there – I was so excited I didn’t know what to do. Deep down inside I was hoping that he’d tell me that I looked nice, but he never did. Instead afterwards when we were walking outside I said “OMG it’s so cold!”, and he was like “Well that’s because you’re wearing…”, and I looked at him and said “Nothing…?” and I laughed.

In the end it was just him, my best friend and I going to the club, and along the way he was acting kinda stupid and making fun of me a lot. My best friend noticed this (I’d already told her I liked him) and she was like “Why???”

We finally got to the club and I decided I wanted to take my jacket off because I didn’t want to lose it. This also meant he’d get to see how I looked for real. I was wearing some black, high-waisted shorts, with a black bralette kind of top and high “nude” heels.

Inside the club we started mingling with people, and my friend and I wanted to dance right away so we hit the dance floor and started dancing. The guy I liked jut kinda chilled there, not dancing too much and definitely not making any effort to dance with either of us, let along any other girl in the club. You see my friend and I love dancing in clubs, so I was thinking maybe he was uncomfortable or bored being there. I went as far as asking him several times if he was bored, but he said he liked the music and was having fun, so I kept dancing.

We went to sit down and catch a break, and it was at that point he said he’s not really one for the dance floor. In my head I was like “…then why did you come?”

Eventually we went back down to the dance floor and I broke away from the group trying to find a guy to dance with, and I finally did! He was really cute and we danced together for about four songs. The guy I liked must have eventually gotten worried about me (I’d been gone for a while) because I saw him moving through the crowd looking for me. I debated about whether or not to keep dancing with the cute guy or not, and in the end I decided to dance really “hot” to see if it would catch my guy’s attention…or maybe make him jealous.

I kept dancing like that for a whole other song, sneaking glances to see if my guy was watching us, but without letting him see that I was watching him. My legs were burning from dancing so hard for so long, so I needed to sit down and take a break. I said “thanks” to the hot guy I’d been dancing with and then turned to my guy and tried to walk but my legs were like jello – I had to put my hand on his shoulder for support. He helped me to walk back to where we’d been sitting and helped me sit down.

After sitting there for a while I worked up the nerve to ask for the hot guy’s number, which I was hoping would make my guy jealous. So I just walked up to the hot guy, stuck my phone in his hand and he put his number in it. Then I went back to my seat and I started trying to text the hot guy, but I accidentally called him instead – my guy laughed at me but noticed what I was doing.

Later in the night I went back into the crowd to dance, but some guy was being weird and pretty gross, so I texted my best friend and they both came to get me out of there. Then my guy told me I should have texted him “SOS” too!

We eventually left the club and then dropped my friend off, which gave me and my guy a chance to hang out a bit longer. We went to two different restaurants, and just hung out, but that was it.

I’m just confused because he’s so hot and cold with me. I mean sometimes he’s nice and gives me a compliment, and other times he’s so quiet, or just makes fun of me.

I just want an opinion as to whether you think he might feel the same way I do, or not???


Hi there,

The first thing I need to share with you here is that making somebody that you care about jealous (or even trying to make them jealous) is a silly thing to do. In your mind you’re trying to get him to react to show you that he really cares, but from a male point of view you’ve just given him a couple of really good reasons to not date you i.e. you’re willing to dance and flirt with other guys in front of him. What message do you think that sends to him? You can take it from me it’s not a good one. Making people jealous is a bad idea, so stop doing it.

If we look at how the night went it might help you figure out what’s going on here underneath all the guesswork. Firstly the guy asked could he come out clubbing with you, showing he was interested in being around you. He gets to the club and, even though he hates dancing, dances as best as he can while you and your BFF are having a great time. Then he’s open and honest with you about the fact that he doesn’t like dancing, but was willing to put himself in an awkward situation by trying to dance. This guy basically took himself out of his comfort zone to be at the club with you and your BFF.

I understand that you’re young and that you’re still figuring out how relationships work, so it’s important to learn as many lessons about life and relationships as you can right now – especially taking another person’s feelings into account.

  • Is this guy interested in you? It’s hard to tell – he’s being immature at times and the “hot and cold” thing is a sign of that. He basically doesn’t know how to act around you, and that’s because of his age. Guys take a long time to grow up at an emotional level.
  • He was probably expecting you to be yourself in how you dressed and how you acted on the night out. Instead he saw a totally different side of you that he might not have really liked. Is he from a very traditional family for example?
  • He does appear to be a little bit jealous of the attention you were giving the hot guy, which would tell me that he does have feelings for you.
  • Your guy came looking for you when he thought you’d been gone too long, and then immediately came to your rescue when you texted your BFF – that has to tell you something about his character.

Unfortunately the big problem here is that neither of you is actually communicating with each other – it’s all guesswork, mind games, and awkward flirting.

So what I’d suggest is that instead of trying to make him jealous try spending some time with him that doesn’t involve clubbing. Find out what he likes doing and try to spend some time with him doing that, or maybe just organize a movie night with him so you can really get to know each other.

Based on what you’ve told me I sense that both of you have feelings for each other, but the big question is whether or not it’s just an amazing friendship, or something deeper. Spending quality time together is the only way to figure that out though!