Does My Ex Want Our Family To Work Out?

Question:

Hi,

My ex, whom I have a daughter with, broke up with me a few months ago, saying he doesn’t love me any more. He moved into his friend’s house while I stayed in his house. He does pay all the bills for the house I’m in right now (his house), so I don’t have to pay for anything.

Over the last few weeks he’s been staying here with me and our daughter at the weekends, although he does sleep on the sofa. This is great for our daughter because we can have family time together. He’s also been calling and texting me to when he’s not here.

I really need your help here because I’m trying to figure out if he wants things to work out for us, or is he just being nice to me because of our daughter?

We had already talked about me moving out and finding my own place to live, but we’ve not spoken about that in a couple of weeks now.

Can you please help me?

Sarah

Answer:

Hi Sarah,

This is a really hard one to call to be honest. From what you’re saying he seems like a decent guy and wants to do the right thing for you and your daughter – the fact that he’s paying the bills on your current home isn’t something I hear very often. In fact usually after a couple splits up the mother is left carrying all the debt, all the bills and all the responsibility.

It also sounds like he decided to start spending weekends with you, instead of you forcing him to do it. If so then that’s a positive sign of him being part of your daughter’s life, but the fact that he’s sleeping on the sofa could mean one of two things:

  1. He’s keeping a respectful distance because he knows he’s hurt you in the past
  2. He doesn’t want to start a romantic relationship with you again

From what you’re saying it sounds like he’s a little bit confused about what to do next. Basically I think he did want to spend time with his daughter, but the fact that he’s staying there for the entire weekend (instead of just a few hours) could mean he still has feelings for you. When he said he doesn’t love you any more it could have been him panicking realizing that he now has a family and kinda running away from the responsibility, especially if it happened very shortly after your daughter was born.

Unfortunately the only choice you have here is to actually talk to him about your relationship and whether or not you have a future together. Be fully prepared for the worst news (he just wants to spend family time together), but stay open to the best possible news (he wants to make things work with you).

I wish I could give you a straight answer here, but because the guy isn’t acting like a complete tool it’s very hard to guess exactly what’s in his heart, but I genuinely don’t think it’s anything bad.

Talk to him Sarah, because at least you’ll know exactly what path in life you need to take from that point onwards. I do hope you guys work things out though and stay together as a family 🙂

Marlon

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