Can I Get My Long Distance Girlfriend Back?

Question:

Hi,

I am in a long distance relationship but I haven’t seen my girlfriend in real life for 3 months – before that we’d spent almost the last 6 months together. I’m an international student so I travel to the United States to study, and after that I travel home again. This is actually a big part of the problem I’m having to be honest.

We’d been together for almost 2 years and when she broke up with me she told me still loves me, but that she just doesn’t see it working out over the long term. She’s told me that we’re good for each other and that we’re meant to be together forever, but she can’t see how that would work out because of the distance involved.

So I’m traveling back to the United States in about 3 weeks time, and will be living near her hometown for about a year. The problem is that I still have to pick up my stuff from her, so I know I’m going to see her. I’m thinking that maybe I can trying to sort things out with her when I do see her, but don’t want to ruin my only chance at doing that.

I already tried the ‘Don’t Text Her Back’ method, and it kind of worked. She texted me back with “Hi, how are you?”, so I guess she still cares at least a little bit about me.

So what now?

Robert

Answer:

Hi Robert,

I’m a big believer in having closure when it comes to anything in life – this includes everything from the passing of a loved one to the passing of a relationship. If I were in your position I’d want to meet this girl and talk to her about why she broke up with me, but also for her to explain why she thinks we’re meant to be together forever – that’s a very significant statement to make to another person!

Being in a long distance relationship can be very difficult at the best of times, but doing this on an international basis is more than some people can bear. This is probably why she ended the relationship in the first place, but you still owe it to yourself to talk to her about this.

The reality is that you’re going to see this girl when you travel back to the US, so you have two choices here: Ignore her or talk to her. Ignoring her will be seen as being childish and immature, so talking to her is your best option here. Also please don’t go making massive judgments about how she feels about you based on a single text message though – there’s a huge difference between caring for a person and being in love with a person.

Your “what now” is get yourself back to the United States, meet this girl and tell her how you really feel about her. Don’t play any silly games with her by text – just tell her what’s in your heart for her.

You’ll either move forwards in a relationship together at this point, or you can walk away knowing that you did and said everything that you could to make it work out – this is why closure is so, so important at the end of any relationship.

I hope you can find some way to continue your relationship despite it being long distance.

Marlon

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