Can I Ever Trust My Cheating Boyfriend Again?

Question:

Hi there,

I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years, but back in April of this year a woman contacted me to tell me she was seeing my boyfriend on the side. Obviously I confronted him about this and he actually admitted it to me. Then he told the other woman that I am his girlfriend and to leave us alone – he did this while I was present.

The problem since April is that I’m watching every move he makes because I don’t feel that I can trust him anymore, plus I always brought up this other woman when I’m talking to him about stuff. I decided to break up with him in July simply because he wasn’t supporting me in how I was feeling upset because of the situation he put us both in. He just told me that I need to get over it.

Now it’s been one month since we broke up and I’ve been telling him that I want a relationship with him again, but he keeps saying he can’t do that as long as I keep bringing this other woman up. He does text me every other night to let me know that he loves and misses me, but he won’t commit to a relationship with me.

My question is can I ever get him to come back to me and commit to a relationship with me? Did he ever really love me?

Answer:

Hi there,

You’re in an awkward situation for a number of reasons. Firstly your boyfriend cheated on you (for quite some time by the sound of things) with another woman, and only decided to end things once he was caught. This shows he’s capable of lying to you for prolonged periods of time without missing a beat – this is something you need to factor in should you make a decision to actually have a relationship with him again.

Secondly he apologized for what he’d done and publicly demonstrated that he only wants to be with you, although it’s very difficult to believe anything a liar tells you once you catch them out in the in the first place. The key thing to pay attention to here is the fact that he has apparently cut off all ties with this other woman and was trying to work things out with you. Constantly reminding him that he’d done wrong wasn’t going to help improve things between you both. In fact it shows him that you didn’t really forgive him – you just said the words but didn’t mean them.

He does seem to still care for you, or at least that’s what he’s showing you by texting you every other night. Why does he not text you every single night though, is one question which popped into my mind? It might be just that he’s busy with work, or perhaps not?

To answer your question about how you can get him to come back to you…well…you see you already have the answer you need because he told you how you can make that happen i.e. stop bringing up the other woman and let the past be the past. From his point of view he’s apologized and is trying to do the right thing, but you’re emotionally punishing him by reminding him how much he hurt you, despite the fact that you’ve already “forgiven” him.

Everyone feels very lonely the first month after breaking up with somebody, so you’re in a dangerous rebound zone at the moment. What it comes down to is this: You can either trust this man, or you can’t. Once you make that decision you’ll know exactly whether or not you can have a relationship with him again, or that you simply need to move on with your life instead.

Marlon

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