Breaking The Ice With My Good Looking Gym Guy

Question:

Hi there,

There’s a guy in my gym and he’s after catching my eye. Basically he’s a really good-looking guy and we’ve been making eye contact a lot lately. It literally happens every time we see each other in the gym, and it even happens when we’re working out.

One day after my workout I was sitting outside the gym waiting for my mom to come and pick me up, and the same guy passed right in front of me. He made the obvious effort to say “goodbye” to me though – almost like he went out of his way to do that.

This wasn’t the only time he made the deliberate effort to say “hi” to me, because it’s happened a few times so far. I really get the feeling that he wants to get to know me better, but he doesn’t know how to even though he seems to be trying pretty hard. The big problem is that we don’t always bump into each other in the gym, because some days when I’m there he’s not and vice versa. This makes it a bit complicated to flirt with each other on a regular basis.

So I just wanted to know your opinion or advice on this because I would really like to talk to him at least once properly, and then after that he knows that if he catches my eye in the gym that the ice is already broken.

I hope you’ve understood everything I’ve said here – I did my best to explain it but Spanish is my native language, so it’s usually better than my English.

Thank you so much and I hope you can answer me really soon 🙂

Katia

Answer:

Hi Katia,

Firstly your English is very good, and is definitely far better than my Spanish could ever hope to be! Secondly you should be proud of yourself for spotting that this guy likes you and that you’re willing to put the effort into starting a conversation with him to get to know him better. If more people actually followed up on their initial attraction to people I’d probably be out of business overnight!

Seriously though it does take guts to take that next step to get to know somebody, and most guys are terrible at doing that – as you can see. The thing is that he does obviously want to talk to you but he’s not able to figure out how to do it. You see from a guy’s point of view we hate being rejected, so we’ll find up playing it cool until we know that the girl is definitely interested. Unfortunately most women see the “cool” thing as us not being interested and they just move on and find other guys to date instead.

So the problem is that there isn’t really anything you can do to make him start talking to you except…well…you have to start talking to him first. I know that the idea of doing this will probably make you pretty nervous, but if you really do like this guy you’re going to have to take the first step here. You can try flirting with him and making eye contact all you want but one of you is going to have to make the first move here.

Now the next thing is figuring out what to say to him, so seeing as you’re both fans of going to the gym the next time you pass him just ask him “So…you had a good workout today?” in a friendly way, with a smile. That gives him the opportunity to answer and chat to you about something he likes doing, so he won’t feel awkward.

Basically the sooner you start talking to him the better – at least that way you can figure out if you like him as more than just a gym buddy.

Best of luck with it Katia!

Marlon

My Good Looking Gym Guy: Part 2

Question:

Hey again,

I hope you remember my story from last time? Thanks so much for replying to it btw – it was such a nice surprise to get a reply, and it made me ponder the whole situation with this guy. It was also nice to read that you think my English is very good too – it’s great to hear that from other people 🙂

Now the thing is that I hope you can reply to this message because there are some things I need to tell you.

What I’m wondering is do you really think that because my gym guy looks at me, and keeps eye contact, when we are there that he really does want to talk to me? Basically I don’t know whether he does or not – I wouldn’t be sure of how he feels, hahahahah 😛 Maybe he just likes how I look, and nothing else. So how can you be so sure that he wants to talk to me and not just admire my body?

The big problem here is that I don’t want to take the first step, because I think guys should make the first move when it comes to being with a girl. I like guys who have enough guts to break the ice with me. That’s one thing I like in a guy, but obviously I’m more interested in what he’s really like and if he’s my type. I’m sure my “type” is out there, but maybe I just haven’t found him yet?

As you said most guys are terrible at making the first move, or just don’t have the guts to do it. I really do understand this and I just realized while I was reading your answer that when I sent you my original message I didn’t tell you that I hate making the first move with a guy, so it’s kinda my fault there. The thing is that I can’t force him to take the first step – that’s completely in his hands and not mine.

Besides all that how do you let a guy know that you really like him just through eye contact alone? Is there any way for me to let him know I want him to make the first move? I know that question might sound silly, but I wanted to ask you straight out and see what your answer was. At this stage I try not to look at him that much because I don’t want him to think I’m like obsessed with him or anything like that.

I just really like him, and can’t help feeling that way, but I can still hear my mom’s voice telling me that when guys realize you’re chasing after them they’ll just assume you’ll always be around, take you for granted, and basically stop liking you as much as they did.

Is this because guys don’t like girls who are “easy to get”? That’s what I believe, but I’d like your opinion on this too please! I just want to know if I’m right or not.

Everything you’ve replied with so far has been very helpful and I’m really grateful for that!

I’m waiting patiently for your answer…again 🙂

Katia

Answer:

Hi Katia,

It’s great to hear from you again, and I don’t mind giving you all the advice or help I can offer to make sure that one of you makes the first move here before somebody else does!

Can you tell if guys like you just by the fact they keep eye contact with you?

Absolutely!

In fact most guys are so emotionally retarded that the only relationship skills they have in terms of “seducing” women is by staring at them and hoping that they make the first move. It’s worth remembering that if you catch a guy just staring at your body then he’s probably only interested in sex and not much else.

However when a man is looking into your eyes he’s trying to figure out if you’re single or not, whether you like him or not, and most importantly whether or not he can even approach you.

So the answer here is “Yes you can definitely tell that a guy likes you just by the fact that he keeps eye contact with you”.

Now about who has to make the first move here.

I know you believe that guys should make the first move when trying to date a girl, but insisting that he does it first could mean you’re missing out on the relationship of a lifetime just because you want to stick to your beliefs. Katia you’ll find that as you get a little bit older all the beliefs that you stuck by your entire life don’t matter nearly as much as having somebody in your life who loves you for who you are, and nothing else. Accept the fact that this guy isn’t one of the “brave” types who is going to be able to just walk up to you and ask you out on a date – he might need you to meet him halfway on this 🙂

If you want to let him know that you really want him to make the first move (if he can) then make eye contact with him while you’re at the gym, smile and just keep it simple by saying “Hi!” and “Cya!” when you pass him. You can make things a bit more obvious by watching what machine he’s using to work out on and just using the one beside that – this gives you a chance to flirt with him a bit more. A couple, who are very good friends of mine, met at the gym, and they had their first real conversation when they were on treadmills located side-by-side one day. They got married in NYC last summer!

Basically what I’m saying here is that if you really, really like this guy then you might have to break old habits and make the first move.

Now the final part of your question is about whether or not guys like “easy girls”? Well it all depends on the guy to be honest Katia. Basically a guy who wants a real relationship isn’t going to want to date a girl who’s slept with any guy with a heartbeat. There are plenty of guys out there who are only interested in “easy girls”, but they’re not the kind of guys you’d want to date in the first place.

Remember that there are plenty of good guys out there, so don’t judge your gym guy without getting to know him a little bit better first.

How do you get to know him better? Well having a conversation with him is always a good place to start 😉

Marlon

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