Are Rules In A Relationship Really Acceptable?

Question:

I’ve been dating a 42-year old man on and off now for the last 2 years. It was my birthday recently and the day before my birthday he arrived at my home with roses and then whispered to me that he’s in love with me and wants to make a commitment to me.

I really did feel like the happiest girl in the whole world, and the next day we went to celebrate my birthday at a local restaurant. That same night he called me after we’d enjoyed our meal together and told me that there are certain “rules” for him to stay committed to me.

The list is as follows:

  • He’ll only see me once a week
  • He will not go shopping with me
  • He can go out whenever he wants

Now I just feel really hurt and upset after hearing all this. I know I shouldn’t lower my standards, but I really don’t want to lose him.

What’s your opinion on this?

Anonymous

Answer:

Hi,

My heart is genuinely broken for you here because I can see that you’ve invested a lot of time and love in this man. Now the problem is that you’ve asked my opinion and I’m going to be straight here – I think this guy is dating other women besides you. When a man says he can only see you once a week (what else is he doing with his time?), won’t go shopping with you (afraid of being seen in public?), and can go out whenever he wants (no need to explain to you who he’s with or where he’s going) then it sounds to me like you’re dealing with a total player I’m afraid.

Relationships are about love, romance, bonding and all that other good stuff. When somebody starts bringing in rules about how you need to behave around them then you seriously need to reconsider your relationship. He might be the nicest guy in the world to you while he’s with you, but he also has all the hallmarks of a control freak based on what you’re telling me.

I would tread very carefully here and ask yourself one simple question: Where will my relationship be with Mr X in 2-years time?

You already know the answer though don’t you? That’s all the information you need, and from the language you used in your question I’m figuring you’re in your mid-30s? If so then you have an entire planet full of men to choose from, so pick one who loves you as openly as you love him. Life is just too damned short to be unhappy!

Marlon

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