Am I Chasing A Serial Dater?

Question:

Hi,

I’ve been following your posts and videos for several weeks now and I find them very helpful, and I have a question for you. Basically what’s bothering me is that my girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago, after 5 months of being together. I’d been doing the “no contact” thing for about a month until I received a very long letter from her which detailed her emotions and why she feels that putting our “chapter of life” together in a book and placing in on a shelf is the best thing for her to do. She told me she has no desire to revisit our relationship and has moved onto a new relationship since we broke up.

From my point of view she’s a “relationship jumper” and does seem to have some serious issues from her past around the issues of trust and abuse. Her take on this was that the biggest challenge for our relationship was living 90-minutes apart, which seems like a bit of a cop-out to be honest.

So even though there’s a lot more to my question what I’m really mulling over is this: I’ve written her a long reply to the letter she sent me but haven’t done anything with it yet. My basic plan is to sit on the letter for now until I’ve created content that will make her want to communicate with me again, with the end result of me getting her back.

A friend of hers did tell me she’s trying to make a go of her new relationship, so now I’m wondering if it makes more sense to let her “new” relationship run its course before sending off my reply to her original letter.

Your thoughts on this whole thing are more valued than you could possibly know!

Thank you!

Braveheart

Answer:

Hi Braveheart,

There appears to be some confusion here I’m afraid – I’m not actually Ashley Kay, but I do share a lot of her videos on my YouTube channel. That being said I do offer relationship advice through my blog, and I’d be more than happy to offer you my thoughts and insight on the situation you’re dealing with right now.

To be honest you’ve already answered your own question here in terms of what to do next i.e. your ex-girlfriend is a relationship jumper/serial dater. Five months is quite a bit of time to invest in a person so having them up and leave your life with almost no warning isn’t exactly a good sign for what the future might hold with them.

Let’s break this down:

  1. Your girlfriend breaks up with you
  2. She writes you a long letter a month later
  3. She’s already in a new relationship a month later
  4. You want her back

I feel that you need to be very careful in whatever steps you take next. Firstly your ex has made it very clear she wants to move on with her life, for one reason or another. Although you might not like that on a personal level it’s still something you should respect. You said that she ran away because of issues she has with trust and abuse but that’s not something you can fix – she has to do that herself.

What I’m very concerned by is the fact that your ex is already in a new relationship in less than a month. Bear in mind she didn’t just meet this new guy and fall in love with him in 48-hours, so there’s a very good chance she was dating again just days after she broke up with you. Is that really somebody you want to win back? Really? You do know there’s a 95% chance she’ll leave you again in a few weeks, right? As long as you’re fully aware of that then it’s cool, but you definitely need to take off your rose tinted glasses when dealing with her.

If I were you I’d sit on that reply just a little bit longer because if I’m right this girl is going to ditch this new guy after a few months and leave him dazed and confused too. In the meantime you should be living your life to the full and looking ahead at future possibilities, and not glancing back over your shoulder at old regrets.

No matter how hard you try you can never make a woman love you unless she really wants to.

Marlon

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