There’s been a lot of books and eBooks written on dating over the last few decades, but long distance dating isn’t a topic you’ll find a lot of practical information on. Oh there’s a whole pile of theoretical stuff about what works and what doesn’t work, but most of that is written by people who have never been in long distance relationships – basically they have no idea what they’re talking about.
With most relationship “experts” you’re getting advice based on what they’ve heard or read somewhere else, and not based even remotely on their own personal experiences. If you’ve read some of the other posts I’ve written on long distance relationships you’ve probably noticed that I mentioned that I’ve had to do distance dating several times during my life, the last time being about 4 years ago. Well there was a girl living about 30-miles from here 2 years ago but she doesn’t count for various reasons!
4 Things You Should Know Before Dating Long Distance
So what advice or ideas can I share with you on long distance dating? Here we go!
Don’t Take It For Granted
If you take another person for granted in a “local” relationship they’ll get pissed off and break up with you, and this goes double for when you’re in a long distance relationship. This is the rot that sets into far too many relationships of this type far too early. Sadly all it takes is for one person to say “I’m not happy with how this is going right now”, to actually help set things straight. But more often than not people just stay quiet, then there’s an explosive breakup and both people walk away.
The simple fact is that not every relationship works out. In fact 99% of the romantic relationships you have during your life will fail, otherwise you’d never find your perfect partner and settle down and live happily ever after, right? You know that I always advise that investing yourself too heavily in any single person can be a dangerous move, especially if they’re not as invested in the relationship as you are. Basically there’s no reason why your long distance relationship can’t work out, but if it fails then let it fail and move on – that’s life I’m afraid!
Long Distance Dating Rules
The first thing here is that dating according to a set of rules is romantic suicide. Sure there are practicalities to dating somebody living in another town, city or country but a rulebook simply can’t work. Why? Well the split second the word “rules” becomes part of the everyday language of any relationship it’s about one person trying to control the other. You all know that friend of yours who has to leave the club before 1am every night because their spouse/partner is sitting outside waiting to drive them home. For some people that’s a rule, but the reality is that it’s nothing more than control.
Enjoy The Moments
If you can learn nothing else about relationships from me then let it simply be this: Life is nothing but a series of moments joined together, so enjoy each one for what it is. If you’re busy living in the past, or, even worse, worrying about your future all the time you’ll have absolutely no time, energy or passion for living in the here and now with your partner. As Ferris Bueller said, “Life moves pretty fast…if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you’ll miss it” – proving that Ferris is a clever guy!
Remember that a long distance relationship can be a really positive part of your life – you have all the benefits of being in love, but when you see each other you value every moment you get together; something which most other “normal” relationships are sadly lacking in.
What advice do you give your friends who are involved in long distance dating? Leave a comment!