Nobody ever gets into any kind of relationship with the notion that they’ll have to break up with that person – we all expect that things will work out and it’ll be a case of “happily ever after” instead of having to say goodbye. Unfortunately relationships can and do end all the time, and as difficult as it might seem to break up with somebody you’re dating locally, ending a long distance relationship comes with its own set of complications.
So if you have no other choice than to end your long distance relationship exactly how do you go about that considering that you can’t do it face-to-face?
The first and most obvious thing to say here is that unless you have absolutely no other choice then ending it face-to-face is the most honorable thing to do. Now I know that the temptation to just send them an email or a text message is very strong but:
- It’s a cowards way to do things
- It provides absolutely no closure for the other person
I’ve seen people who have been dumped by email and the effect on them is devastating because it’s very final, very impersonal and leaves them with far too many unanswered questions. The same applies to people being dumped by text message – it’s just not something you do unless you’re a 16-year old who doesn’t know any better.
Don’t get me wrong here I know that ending a long distance relationship isn’t fun and it’s not easy either. In my own past I’ve had to end 3 long distance relationships, and none of them were easy or pleasant in any way. What I am saying is that if you’ve been in a relationship with this person for months or years the very least they deserve is a face-to-face conversation about why you’re making this decision, and to give them an opportunity to have their own say too – even if its just to express their anger, something they’ve earned the right to do.
Obviously if the person is living in another country then a face-to-face meeting might not be possible due to the sheer distance and expense involved. In the situations a video call or phone call is the route to take, if for no other reason then they’ll need to hear your voice and it gives you the chance to show them that you’re upset by this decision too. Emotions are pretty much impossible to convey in an email or text message.
Regardless of how you deliver the breakup message here are some pointers to help you do it properly:
- Be honest and please, please don’t use the “It’s not you, it’s me” line on them – nobody believes that
- Be clear about why you’re making this decision and don’t leave any gaps for misunderstandings to creep in
- Don’t make promises you can’t or won’t keep, like staying in contact or meeting them again
- Don’t lead them on with promises of “maybe” to soften the blow on them – you’re just prolonging the agony
- Make absolutely sure this is something you want to do, because once you’ve broken a long distance relationship up it’s almost impossible to repair
That’s just my own long distance relationship breakup advice for you, and they’re the same “rules” I’ve followed myself in the past when having to end any long distance romance.
When do you think is the right time or circumstance to end a long distance relationship? What would make you push back from the table and say “I’ve had enough!”?