So the breakup that you didn’t ever want or even expect to happen has landed in your lap and you’re completely confused about what to do next. You’ll have friends and family on one side telling you to forget about them and you’ll also find yourself struggling with all the emotional and psychological hurt that comes with being dumped by somebody you loved and still love now.
As much as your friends might be trying to do the right thing for you remember that the decision on what happens with your relationship is between you and your now ex and unless you’re in some kind of weird love triangle then there’s only going to be two people involved here – you and them.
The time will come when it’s a very good idea to sit down and talk with your ex. If you can keep your powder dry and stay calm and not make contact for the first few days you’ll find that your ex will probably be the first to suggest meeting to talk things over. Even if your pride is hurt you should still meet up with them and talk but there are some basic rules you need to follow when having this first meeting with them after the breakup.
4 Rules You Need To Follow Before You Say Anything To Your Ex
1. Neutral Territory
Unless you have no other choice avoid meeting in places that have any kind of emotional significance for you. Try to meet some place completely neutral which has no emotional attachment for either of you because this helps keep the emotional tone of your conversation as muted as possible. The last place you want to meet is a bar you both love and start drinking a few beers together because there’s a good risk that your friendly chat will turn into a beer-fuelled row.
2. Don’t Plead
Nobody ever plans on pleading with their ex to get back together with them but it can sneak up on you and the words are flying out of your mouth while your brain is standing in the background screaming “Noooooooo!! Don’t do it!!” When it comes to things to say to get your ex back pleading with them is one of the worst ideas out there and if you’re a guy and you’re seen pleading with a girl it always looks pathetic.
3. Speak From The Heart
Communicating with another human being should be one of the simplest things in the whole world and especially when you both speak the same language. Unfortunately a whole slew of Hollywood movies and slick TV shows have left many people emotionally and romantically brainwashed. Those clever comebacks from shows like “Sex and The City” or “Entourage” always sound cool in the world of TV fantasy but they simply won’t work in real life.
When you’re having this important meet-up with your ex just be yourself because if you’re trying to be Mr/Mrs Indifferent you’re going to come across as a jerk/jerkess. Speak from the heart but without trying to manipulate your ex to do what you want them to do.
4. Don’t Make Threats
Following on from the idea of trying to manipulate your ex one of the very worst things to say to make your ex want you back is to make a threat of any kind. These threats can come in two forms. The first is threatening to harm your ex if they don’t get back together with you – this is incredibly stupid.
The second is threatening to harm yourself if your ex doesn’t get back together with you – this falls under the “pleading” category. Plus you’ve also just let your ex know that you’re psychologically and emotionally unbalanced which doesn’t make you a great prospect for a long term relationship does it?
When it comes to what to say to get your ex back it’s about being open and honest about your relationship and finding out where it all went wrong. There’s no magic formula or “secret” words to make your ex fall in love with you again but spending time with them and listening to them is the first smart step you can take to having that person back in your life all over again.